!SPECIAL GUEST POST! - Infertility Sucks
I've always felt that I was born to be a mother. I am the oldest of six siblings and like to think that I am the boss most of the time. Let's just say I like to be in control....maybe borderline control freak. I always like to have every aspect of my life planned out and prepared. My husband and I knew we wanted to start a family shortly after we were married. I thought, OK...I'll stop taking the pill, we can get pregnant this time of the year so that I could be on maternity leave during the summer. Everything was set. Except sometimes life just really likes to mess with you.
After trying to get pregnant for over a year, we made an appointment with a fertility specialist. I was soon left with a diagnosis of unexplained infertility. These are two words I never wanted to hear. Two words that no women ever wants to hear. So treatments began. First they weren't too bad. Just take some pills, track your cycle and go from there. Then came the self injections, the timed sex, weekly ultrasounds, and eventually artificial insemination. After four rounds of treatment, we had nothing to show for it. I was devastated. Infertility sucks. It sucks REAL bad. It seemed like everyone around me was pregnant or had a baby. It was hard to be happy for my close friends and family who were pregnant. My heart ached and my mind started to go a little crazy. Why me? What was wrong with me and what did I do to deserve this? For the first time in my life I had to let go. I had to let go of the constant worry and daily struggle. I knew that it wasn't the end for my journey to motherhood, but I knew that my mind and body needed a break. Don’t get me wrong...It still wasn’t easy. Some days I wanted to curl up in a ball and just cry. But I put on my big girl pants and trucked on.
My FIRST positive pregnancy test EVER! I kept it in the car so the my hubby wouldn't find it. I had taken so many that were negative. I wanted to wait until I had confirmation from a doctor before I told him. A little crazy?...Our gender reveal party...Found out it was a GIRL!...38 Weeks Pregnant and ready to meet out baby girl
A few months later, I started seeing a new OBGYN who seemed like he actually cared about me. He listened to me rant on about my painful periods- the periods that I would literally black out from the pain in a public restroom. The periods that seemed so similar to women in my family that suffered from a condition called endometriosis. For those of you who don’t know, or who are curious, endometriosis is a condition where the lining of the uterus grows outside the uterus causing inflammation and, in some cases, infertility. It can only be diagnosed through surgery. Long story short, I had a laparoscopy to diagnose and remove the endometriosis and six months later I was pregnant! I couldn’t believe the two home pregnancy tests and actually waited a couple days (after going to the doctor) to tell my husband.
Evelyn is finally here! She was born healthy at 39 weeks. I was so excited to have some skin to skin time once she was born. Such a surreal moment...Evelyn at 8 days old. It took A LOT of patience to get this photo of her.
Evelyn at 11 months old. She always likes to put her index finger in her mouth to touch her teeth. Anyone else's baby have and interesting quirk like this?
I believe that life was preparing me for my little girl all along. I needed to learn to have more patience. And A LOT of it as her first few months of life were difficult to say the least. But that’s a story for another day. Not everyone’s journey to motherhood is the same. Some women are surprised. Some women have no trouble at all. Some women struggle and continue to do so. Regardless, we are all mamas who need to stick together and continue to uplift one another. Let’s respect each other a little bit more and judge each other a whole lot less. I’ve come to truly appreciate this online community of mamas. Whether you’re struggling with infertility, breastfeeding or nap schedules, just know that you’re never alone!
Lauren is 29 and a first time mama to Evelyn, who will be one this month! She's been married for almost 7 years to an amazing guy who works SUPER hard as a detective for the Sheriff's Department. Before having Evelyn, she worked as a preschool teacher but is now staying home full time. She is an avid baker, crafter, seamstress and photographer. Check out her blog at www.stopandsmellthecookies.com and her instagram at instagram.com/laurenborits