I'm so glad I didn't get that Brazilian Wax and Other Non-Regrets of my Pregnancy and Birth
When I first found out that I was pregnant, I immediately started making plans of how it was going to go. Who, what, where, when, and why were constant questions. What can I say? I'm a planner. But for all my planning, there were several things that never came to fruition and when I look back, I'm really happy they never did.
- Personal Landscaping - The one non-regret I think about the most is my nether regions. I don't think it's a stretch to say that most women think about their vagina a lot during their pregnancies. I tend to "mow the lawn" so to speak and when it came to giving birth, I wanted a well kept garden. (Oh my gawd, these puns...I love 'em) I had full intention of going to get a full on Brazilian wax a couple days before my due date but it just never happened amongst the craziness of needing to get Baby out. And I am SO happy that it didn't. Now that I've gone through recovering from birth, I think I would have died if itchiness of hair growing back would have been added to the laundry list of things that were irritating my kitty cat. Plus it was good cover to help me avoid inadvertently seeing my special flower after having just given birth. Ladies, trust me when I say, you don't need that in your life. Let your garden grow!
The More, the NOT Merrier - I love watching births and when it came to my own, I figured that anyone who wanted to watch could be there. I was literally like Oprah giving away cars except I was giving away invitations to watch me push a human out of my body. Best Friend? You get an invite! Casual Acquaintance? You get an invite! Random person in the check out line? YOU GET AN INVITE! I was a mad woman. The Hubs even told me I was going overboard but I wouldn't listen. Luckily for me, I was so involved in the fact that I was actually in labor when it happened that I completely forgot to notify anyone I'd invited. I didn't even remember to text my best friend that lives 4 blocks away and surely would have come even though it was the middle of the night. Looking back, having just my mom and dad as the only two outsiders was perfect. I'm so glad that no one was around for me to play hostess to so I could be completely self involved during labor and focus on Baby and I. It made seeing everyone after that much better because I never tire of telling the story of Silas's birth and if they would have been there, what would we have had to talk about?!
- That To Do List Can Wait - The closer I got to my maternity leave, the longer my To Do list became. And it wasn't even filling up with Baby stuff - those things had already been accomplished. In my mind I was going to use maternity leave to get done stuff that had nothing to do with the baby. I was going to cook elaborate meals, I was going to organize the massive pile of paperwork just sitting in the office, and I was going to clean out my closet. Did any of those things happen? No. Do I regret it at all? Nope! Those last few days before my parents came to wait for Baby to be born were dedicate to ME, not to what I could get done. I went to yoga, I took baths, I Netflixed my way through life and I loved every second of it. I was living the life we all deserve once in awhile...the life of a domesticated animal and it was perfect. Alone time is so few and far between these days and I'm so grateful that I took the time to appreciate it while I had the chance. I only had about 2 weeks from the time when I stopped working and the time Silas was born and I would have been so miserable if I would have filled them with useless tasks. My mental health was more important than a messy closet.
I spent most of the days before birth lying on the couch, emulating my dog. When I did get out, like the day I did yoga, I couldn't have been more proud of myself!
- Strength Means Allowing Yourself To Cry - We've all seen those birth videos, the one where a woman silently and strongly births her baby into her own hands. I wanted to be that woman. I wanted people to marvel at my silent strength, my focus and dedication, my lack of crude language. However, when it came time to give birth....I was not that woman. I was not silent, I did not have focus, and I'm pretty sure I swore more than one intends to at the birth of a child. I don't regret one single fuck though. When the contractions came on strong and hard, I was not silently swaying but cursing up a storm that would have made a sailor blush. When I was pushing Silas out and it felt like my vagina was literally morphing into my butt and falling onto the bed, I was not focused on the joy of birth. And when I finally got into the thick of things, I wasn't silent but so loud and proud that it made my foreign landlady tell the Hubs the next day that she knew I'd given birth because she'd "heard my sounds". Being the strong silent type has never been my style and I don't regret for a second moaning and groaning. I could have possibly done without the moment where I screamed at my midwife to "get this fucking baby out of me!" but eh, I is who I is.
When it comes to pregnancy and birth, it's easy to have regrets. The time goes by in a flash and it's easy to look back and lament over bump photos not taken, casseroles not made and frozen, or pubic hair not trimmed. But focusing on the non-regrets and looking at my perfect baby, who doesn't care that I wasn't wearing the bra I'd specifically purchased to give birth in, is what makes me realize that it's ok to let the small things go. In the end, they might not matter anyways.
Do you have any non-regrets from your pregnancy or birth?