All I Wanted was Dinner - What I Got was a Holy Sh*T Moment
On Monday, I had a very real life moment where I very much realized that sometime in the next month, I would be giving birth to a human being.
All I wanted was dinner. Hubs and I got into the car to head off on the 3 minute drive to Veggie Grill so I could eat something healthy without having to cook. About a minute in, I started to feel the pressure. "Oh no worries." I foolishly thought to myself, "Just the usual Braxton Hicks." I was VERY wrong. The pressure turned to cramping and the cramping turned to me freaking out that I was having a baby. (Spoiler alert - I was NOT having the baby). I couldn't help it - tears started streaming down my face and all I could think was "I just put my mom on an airplane! She won't be able to be here!". The Hubs did a great job of driving and calming me down. To be honest, I don't even remember what he said but I'm taking it as a good sign that it didn't make things worse.
We *finally* pulled into the parking garage and I was able to get out and move and the cramping subsided. Hubs said it only lasted about a minute although I'm convinced it was F O R E V E R. Yes, the cramping was painful but I think I started crying because the reality of the situation was this; this is going to happen again, it is going to be worse, and you are going to have to push a baby out of your vagina. Sure, I've spent the last 8 months thinking about that but now it could happen. I'm only 2 weeks away from the 37 week safe zone. IN TWO WEEKS I COULD HAVE A BABY! I feel like the only appropriate response to that is HOLY SHIT. The moment just forced that reality on me and it scared me. I'm scared of this unknown experience that I have to do. No one can give birth to this baby except me and that terrifies me. I know when it comes time to do it, I will find the strength, I will be able to handle the pain, and I will give birth to one of the most amazing people I will ever know. But for now, I'm trying to be positive and not thinking so much about the specifics of how this round bump transforms into a chubby baby.
Needless to say, the Hubs and I got dinner to go.
Did you have a moment like mine? What were you thinking when you finally realized you were actually going to go from bump to baby?