I Don't Want to be a Neurotic Mess - But I Is Who I Is
It might come as a shock to those who know me but I am incredibly neurotic. I used to think that I was Type B but I think that was just to make my incredibly Type A self feel better. The reason nothing has been posted in several days is because I have been OBSESSING about all the tiny, non-important things I need to do before my sister and mom come to visit this weekend! (See Below)
Decorative paper on the random ass window in our bathroom? That was a 50 minute project with the mantra "It doesn't have to be perfect" repeatedly heavily. The streamers in Baby's room? Oh those for SURE have to be up for my mom's visit. Hubs also stopped me from starting over about half way through because the streamers weren't spaced perfectly. If he wasn't there though....I would have.
I can be go with the flow on some things, I swear. Where you want to eat tonight? If it's good, I'll go. You want to go to this bar instead of that one? Fine by me! But for a lot of things, I just *need* it a certain way. I line up my groceries on the belt a certain way. I can get all the way through writing a card to someone and if I mess up on the sign off, I will start the whole thing over. Don't even get me started on the hundreds of times I have restarted a craft because something didn't come out just right. My Hubs has gotten used to me requesting that he put the utensils in the rack a certain way or wash the dog in a specific order (it's rinse, lather, soak, rinse, GD!) He's patient because he knows that's just me and to him it doesn't really matter either way so why start a fight? But will he feel that way once it has something to do with Baby?
I've been having these thoughts lately (mostly when I'm rearranging or redoing something for the umpteenth time) where I worry that I won't be able to give up control when it comes to Baby. I'm afraid I'm going to be a...gulp....possessive mom. You know the kind. The kind who won't leave their kids alone with their partners for fear they won't "parent" correctly. It's not that I don't trust my husband. That has nothing to do with it. He'd literally jump in front of a moving train for me so I know he's going to be a protective and wonderful dad. It's the little things that worry me more. The things like changing a diaper or making sure the baby is being burped correctly. My neuroticism is only enhanced by the fact that I have a VAST basis of knowledge on all things baby and kids. I've used the methods, I've tried that way, I know the secrets of changing a newborn so you don't get peed on or injure their back. My husband...not so much. He's never changed a diaper. He's never held a newborn or burped anyone. He's never juggled a hungry and crying baby while preparing a bottle with a non dominant hand. In those moments, how am I going to let myself not jump in and just shout "I'LL JUST DO IT!"?
For now, I'm trying to let those neurotic thoughts go. I try to remind myself that even though we are on this path together, as parents and partners, he is still his own person and he has to have his own relationship with our child. I trust his decisions and I hope that if he does struggle, he comes to me for advice instead of me rushing to him to tell him how I would do it. I've talked to him about my fears and I hope that when I start to edge in a little too much, he kindly reminds me that he's got this. And if he gets peed on once or twice? Well, I hope we can laugh about it when I tell him "I told you so."
How did you feel once Baby came Earthside? Did you ever fight with you partner about "letting go" more in parenting?