That Changing Body! (A Partners Perspective)
It goes with out saying that I love my wife. I married her. When we first met, her stunning physical beauty pulled me in. Then hours of effortless conversation drew me closer. It seems to me we have just had a conversation that is never ending since the day we first spoke. We share a tremendous amount in common and when and where we dissagree we make it a point to laugh and not feel threatened or offended by our difference in taste or opinion. We grow together and plan to for a long time to come. This takes patience and diligence during difficult conversations and a willingness to be vulnerable. My wife has been particularly vulnerable recently and expressed deep self conciousness with her changing shape as her body morphs into a perfect incubator for our growing baby. I have been in awe as I get to watch the two of them grow and I feel so privileged to be the person she chose to be her partner. To me, there is nothing more beautiful or pure than what we have done. We came together and created life out of love. Though there is so much out of our control we are dedicated to this path with each other as we forge a family and a life in this incredible city of Los Angeles. However, here in LA, people are constantly dieting and exercising, we are bombarded with images of the slimmest, most in shape bodies and celebrities with athletic prowess. Almost every corner you pass is a billboard advertising what you could be if only you bought into this new fad or that new subscription. It gets to me sometimes and I think I need to eat differently or work out more but we both try to stick to our values and reality. I can't imagine being pregnant and surrounded by those images all day while dealing with a changing body I can't control. But...I want what we have. I want a real life with our real bodies and our real growth, not some end goal to attain and pose endlessly in front of a flashing bulb. I never see images of pregnancy and I rarely see images or lifestyle for family in this city and that is to be expected. It's Hollywood after all and thats what Hollywood sells.
I'm writing today to remind Lauren what's REAL is beautiful and sexy. Sexy is grit and determination in times of doubt. Sexy is bringing grace and kindness where there is none and this is something she does every day. Beauty is in her small acts of caring for me and our dog; being present and listening. It goes beyond skin and bone, dress and haberdasher. I know the practical vulnerability is she doesn't feel good in her skin. She can't see her toes! She feels unsexy because she feels "fat". The truth is she isn't fat. But it doesn't matter how many times I tell her that because her whole life has been measured by fashion magazines and television shows, diets and advertisements. Also, what's not to love? Her skin is beautiful, her boobs are bigger, and it's exciting and different that her belly is big. My wife is hot...it's that simple.
Her belly may be bigger but that's because she's carrying our baby! How sexy is that?!
Having sex is not as easy as it used to be. We still want to be together in that way but it just can't be as frequent as it used to be so it takes patience. If Baby is awake and moving that is a distraction and mentally can take Lauren out of it. That's ok. It doesn't bother me. I don't have expectations and I just want her to feel good. So I think "maybe next time." This is really important because emotions are so high already there is no need to be demanding or frustrated with the circumstances which aren't permanent anyway!
My experience through this pregnancy has been that she remains the apple of my eye. I still desire her and although she has fear of her changing shape and constant discomfort, she should know that she is the embodiment of beauty and elegance and she is sexy. She doesn't know or feel this so I will remind her every day. I love you Lauren, just the way you are.
What do you celebrate about your wife's changing shape? Has this been difficult to talk about?