Lots of Teeny Tiny Pricks - Dealing with the News of My Gestational Diabetes
Wednesday I got the news that I do in fact have Gestational Diabeties. When my midwife called me with the results, I was floored. Not only had I failed the tests, I'd failed miserably. Luckily, she told me that it's manageable with diet changes and exercise and that she has never had a woman transfer out of her care due to GD. That was a relief but I was still devastated. It was like every meal I ate could potentially hurt Baby and I wouldn't know if I was eating something that didn't work with my body until AFTER I'd already eaten it!
Having GD is basically like having diabetes - I have to check my blood sugar upon waking, one hour after I eat, and two hours after I eat. I have to use a glucometer and prick my finger to produce a drop of blood that I then place on a testing strip in the glucometer. There are specific targets that I am trying to hit and if I exceed that number it means whatever I ate spiked my blood sugar and I need to eliminate it. Since I already eat an insanely healthy vegan diet, The Hubs and I came up with a game plan of eliminating all carbs and working on getting a ton of protein into the mix. I don't think I've ever bought so many packages of vegan meat before in one go to the grocery store!
This bag would be great if it wasn't just to hold my glucometer! My gear all laid out - test strip, needle, and what they call a "lancing devices" but I just refer to as the thing that pokes me. A decent reading under the limit!
Thursday was the first day testing my blood and making the change in my diet. I'll be honest - it was a rough start. I tested my blood sugar upon waking and I exceeded the limit. I was off to a bad start and I hadn't even eaten anything! I made a protein shake with just Hemp milk and peanut butter and vegan protein powder. It was hard to get down. Not because it wasn't good but because it was bringing up a lot of thoughts and feelings. One - I'm worried about the baby. I feel like every time I exceed the limit I'm failing Baby and that is devastating. I'm Mama Bear! I'm supposed to be protecting Baby and for some reason my body isn't helping me do that and it sucks. Second - I eat SO good to begin with. Yes, I have the occasional treat of a donut or dark chocolate but nothing with processed sugar! It made me feel jealous and angry at the moms that eat like shit and don't get GD. Finally - as I'm forcing myself to finish my shake, I couldn't help but think about how I used to feel when I was a kid and being forced to eat meat. I've talked about my reason for going vegan before but the short story is I have always hated the taste of meat. As a child, I would be made to sit at the table and eat 5 tiny pieces before I was allowed to leave. I know that my parents were doing what they thought was best but I hated sitting there, after everyone was done, feeling like I would get sick and die if I didn't eat. At age 10, my parents kinda gave up and allowed me to start making my own meals, sans meat and 6 years ago, I made the leap to being a vegan. This post isn't about that but I couldn't help but have that feeling this morning of sitting by myself at the table, forcing myself to eat and having awful thoughts about what would happen if I didn't.
Hubs could tell I was not having a good morning because I kept being short with Corneliues, our dog. Hubs reminded me that it was the first day and that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. He watched as I pricked my finger and was under limit for the next text and he listened patiently later in the day when I first came under limit and then an hour later was WAY over limit. The next 2.5 months is not going to be easy. On top of physical changes, mental changes, planning for baby, now I have to add in logging EVERYTHING I eat and pricking my finger multiple times a day and double the baby appointments. It's overwhelming and heartbreaking and I know I'm not the first woman to go through this but it sucks nonetheless.
I'm going to take it one day at a time, one meal at a time and I'll update you all along the way. With every little prick of my finger, I have to think of Baby and remind myself that I'm doing the best that I can. Hopefully, Baby will understand.
Any other mamas with GD? How did you deal with hearing that you had it?